Saying farewell to the single life

Getting along with a college roommate has never been easy–and it has become even harder. To understand why, it's necessary to know just one fact. Some 90 percent of freshmen now arrive on campus having never shared a bedroom, says Gary Schwarzmueller, executive director of the Association of College and University Housing Officers International. Twenty years ago, by contrast, only about 5 percent of freshmen had known such luxury. On this count, ''new freshmen are the most pampered and privileged ever,'' says Idaho State University's director of housing, Ronald Peterson.

These children of affluence are used to having their own phones, televisions, and even computers, and are unaccustomed to sharing their possessions. Yet when they get to college, they think nothing of using the cosmetics or clothing of roommates without asking permission. ''We're surprised by the common-sense things we have to tell them,'' says Ann Young, director of resident life at Centre College in Danville, Ky.

Brownie battle. Many of these freshmen have never had to master the art of compromise, so disputes that once would have been settled quietly in a dorm room are more likely to escalate into crises. Housing administrators find themselves grappling with spats over trivia, like one roommate eating the other's last home-baked brownie. ''They seem less prepared to deal with the everyday struggles,'' says Linda Franke, director of Housing and Residence Life at Santa Clara University in California. Many are quick to seek parental intervention when they encounter a balky roommate. ''Too often parents try to save their children,'' Franke says. She cites several recent incidents of parents calling the housing office–while their sons or daughters could be overheard in the background coaching them–and demanding that a roommate be moved for such offenses as staying up too late or being ''disrespectful'' toward their child. ''Not long ago, students would have been embarrassed to get their parents involved,'' Franke reports.

To settle conflicts, some campuses such as the University of California-Los Angeles and the University of Pittsburgh have turned to mediation programs, which bring adversaries face to face with each other and an administrator. At Duquesne University, residence hall staff members have begun using a CD-ROM developed by a Carnegie Mellon University researcher to learn how to help students keep their tempers under control. The interactive software presents disputes between roommates over matters like noise and romance. Listeners suggest solutions and learn whether their ideas will soothe or increase hostilities. But the technology can only do so much. Ultimately, students must learn how to cope with each other. ''Listening, talking, and having patience with one another are the keys to surviving the first year away from home,'' says Christine Hollow, associate director of ...